Family Jokes

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the
dinning room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.

The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was
happening and kept he conversation going.

The guests co-operated & also continued as if nothing extraordinary
was happening.

After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there
was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard
to say,

"You see, it is vanishing cream!"

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across
the middle of the road.
He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit
jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled
over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the
rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead.
The driver felt so awful, he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the
road and pulled over.
She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry.
She knew what to do.

She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can.
She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of
the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the
two humans and hopped down the road.
50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two
again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped
another 50 feet.
The man was astonished!
He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!
He ran over to the woman and demanded,
"What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said:
"'Hair Spray' Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave."

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because
she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt
like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's
occupation.
'He's a funeral director,' she answered.
'Interesting,' the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her
first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early
20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher
when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had
married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained,
'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready,
and four to go!!!

A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon.
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.
She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and
got many splinters in her private parts.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.

He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room
and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor re-appeared.

The angry lady demanded,
"What took you so long?"

The unperturbed doctor replied,
"Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency,
the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could
remove old-growth timber from a recreational area."