Fwd: Adult Humour!

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex.

He asks what they're doing and the father says:

"We're playing poker"

The mother says:

"And I'm his partner".
He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing.

The grandfather says:
"We're playing poker"

The grandmother says:

"And I'm his partner".
He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking.

He asks what he's doing.

The brother says:

"I'm playing poker".
The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies:

"You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"

 

 

"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common."  said the new tenant's neighbour.

"Why on earth did you get married?"
"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'", was the reply.
"He wasn't pregnant and I was."

 

 

LOTTO TICKET.
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks.
"Well", she replies, "my boss and I played the lotto and we won. So, I bought it with my share of the winnings."A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur.

"Where did you get the coat?" her husband asks.

She replies,

"My boss and I played the lotto and we won again. So, I bought it with my share of the winnings."
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving a flaming red Ferrari.
"How could you afford that car?" her husband asks.
You guessed it:

"her share of the lotto winnings".
That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she finds there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the plug.
"What's this?" she asks her husband.
"Well," he replies,
"WE DON'T WANT TO GET YOUR LOTTO TICKET WET, DO WE?"

 

The Vibrator.

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A

STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN.

OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.

SHOCKED, SHE ASKED:

"WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING ?"   

THE DAUGHTER REPLIED:

"MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND.

PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."   

THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME  BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED  BEDROOM DOOR.

UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR.   

TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID:

"DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."   

A COUPLE DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER, AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM.

SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE  TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.   

THE WIFE ASKED:

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"   

THE HUSBAND REPLIED:

"I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW."