XX - ADULT PUNS!

This is the story of the bee
Whose sex is very hard to see.
You cannot tell a he from she,
But he can tell, and so can she.
The little bee is never still,
So has no time to take the pill-
And that is why in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.

Better to fart and bear the shame,
Than Not to fart and bear the pain.

A policeman pulls over a lady that is driving past the speed limit. He asks
the lady,
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
She replies,
"Because you want to sell me tickets to the policemen's ball?"
He says,
"No we don't have balls"
She says with raised eyebrows and she stares down at the family jewels,
"Oh, really!!??"
He blushes and lets her go.

It seems female inmates in New Jersey are answering the phones and staffing
the state's tourist hotline. They get 58 cents an hour when people call and
they tell people what to visit in New Jersey.
And, for $2.99 a minute, they'll tell you what they're going to do to you
when you get there.

Pick up Lines:
"Do you sleep on your stomach?"
"NO!"
"Can I?"

An attractive young medical student was having coffee with her girlfriend
and complaining about her fiancee's extraordinary sexual appetite.
"I barely have the strength to come to work in the morning," she murmured.
"And now that he's on his vacation, things will probably be even more
intense when he gets back."
"How long is he off?"
The assistant inquired.
"It varies," she replied. "But usually it's just long enough to smoke a
cigarette."

My first wife was a schoolteacher.
She didn't call it 'premature ejaculation.'
She called it 'an Incomplete'.

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the
'Clitaurus'.
It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it -
let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do
it.
Rumour has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can
be a real bitch to start in the morning!
Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it,
you can't get it to turn over. New models are initially fun to own, but very
costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.
Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but
eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight
typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say
that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status.
Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it each year.

"Balls!" said the queen. "If I had them, I'd be king!"

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to an extremely gorgeous woman.
The first thing he noticed about her was her pants.
They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism zipper,
buttons or Velcro for opening them.
After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over her
hips, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her.
"Excuse me, miss," he asked, "but how do you get into your pants?"
"Well," she replied, "it would help if you can start out by buying me a
drink."

Among the many reasons why older women are the best lovers is that:
They don't smell,
They don't yell,
They don't tell,
They don't swell- and
They're grateful as hell!