XX ADULT PUNS!

My wife told me she'd like to be completely pampered for Valentine's
Day, and I'll do my best to oblige.
I only hope she's okay with the fact that in her size, I could only
find Depends.

Ladies of the Evening have their share of the currently fashionable
neuroses just like everyone else.
But they have one complaint about psychiatrists that the rest of us do
not share.
One such lady of the night puts it this way:
"This is the only guy I know who tells me to lay down on a couch and
then sends me a bill."

Women don't like basketball players as lovers
Because
They always dribble before they shoot.

In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my
friend, a gynaecologist, struck up a casual conversation.
After noticing the label on her sandals read,
"Hecho en Mexico," he asked his patient, "So, when were you in Mexico?"
Flabbergasted, the patient asked,
"You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?"
Sex is like air.
It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

The difference between a man and a condom is:
Condoms have changed.
They're no longer thick and insensitive.

A survey found that 58% people want to have sex more than 7 times a week.
But the figure dropped drastically to 3% when the words "with wife" were added.

My girlfriend always laughs during sex,
No matter what she's reading.

George goes to a marriage counselor and says,
"My marriage isn't as much fun as it used to be. My wife is always tired".
The marriage counselor says,
"Do you still enjoy sex?
"As much as the next fellow" replied George.
The counselor says,
"Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's exhausted"

Pick up Lines:
Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?