XX - ADULT PUNS!

There was a young poof from Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, with which and to whom.

Headquarters:
The room where enlisted women blow the officers.

One night Scott was getting very drunk in a pub.
He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his tool out as he went in the door.
However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a
woman sitting on the can.
"This is for ladies!" she screamed!
Scott waved his tool at her and said,
"So is this!"

A woman walked into my aunt's animal shelter wanting to have her cat
and six kittens spayed and neutered.
"Is the mother friendly?" my aunt asked.
"Very," said the woman, casting an eye on the pet carriers.
"That's how we got into this mess in the first place."

The Jewish sisters-in-law meet at their weekly session at the beauty shop.
Ruth says to Golda,
"Such news I got for you, Golda! My Irving is finally getting married.
He tells me he is engaged to this wonderful Jewish girl, but he thinks
the poor darling may have some strange illness called herpes."
After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth,
"So, Ruthie, do you have any idea what is this herpes, and can your
Irving catch it?"
Ruth answers,
"God forbid! But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his
engagement. You know how we've all worried about him. It's past time
he's settled with a nice girl. As far as the herpes goes, who knows?"
"Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know,
Ruthie. I'll just run home right now and look it up and call you."
Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly,
"Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes
is a disease affecting the gentiles."

Contrary to popular belief,
Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease.

At the seafood restaurant, I asked the waitress if she had crabs.
She told me to have a seat, she'd be right with me!

An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party.
While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became
unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress.
She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewelry piece for her.
He was very embarrassed, but wishing to please her, he reached
cautiously down the back of her gown.
"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it."
"Try further down," she said.
At this point he noticed that everyone in the room was watching him,
and he whispered to the girl,
"I feel such a perfect ass."
"Never mind that!" she cried. "Just get the necklace."

"Close your curtains the next time you're shaggin' the wife.
The whole street was watchin' an' laughin' yesterday."
"Well, the joke's on them. I wasn't even home yesterday!"