XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"

Don't let your affection give you an infection.
Put some protection on that erection.

Sadie and Sophie are sitting at the kitchen table, bragging.
"My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami," says Sadie.
"She goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has
beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends."
Sophie replies,
"Yeah, my daughter's a whore too."

Pick up Lines:
If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts?

Making the rounds of the maternity ward, a visiting obstetrician
pointed to a child who was smaller and more fragile than the rest.
"What's wrong with that one?" he asked the head nurse.
"Nothing, doctor," she replied. "He's a test-tube baby, and they tend
to be smaller than others."
"It just goes to show," the obstetrician said sagely, "spare the rod
and spoil the child."

Raggedy Ann was thrown out of the toy box for sitting on Pinocchio's
face, and moaning,
"Lie to me!"

When the members of a great old Southern aristocratic family heard
that their daughter Clarabelle, who lived up north, had become a lady
of the evening, they were stunned and shocked.
"Imagine!" boomed Uncle Stonewall in despair. "It's a disgrace! One of
our kinfolk having to work for a living!"

Secretary:-
A stenographer who watches her periods.

A man with a long history of migraine headaches goes to the doctor.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've learned from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get
out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had
migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever
helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."

A co-worker told George that George's wife was being unfaithful
everyday at 1:30 in the afternoon with George's best friend.
Worried and hurt, George ran home at 1:30 to see if this was true.
He came back to the office contented and relieved. His co-worker asked
him how it went.
"Look," said George. "Don't start such terrible rumours! That guy
isn't my best friend. In fact I don't even know him!"

The best thing to do when your girlfriend forgets to take her birth
control pills is to;
Give her a good tongue-lashing.