Humour.- Superb especially last one

Winter Home

We purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack
of insulation.
"If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband
confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero and we awoke
to find interior walls covered with frost.
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
"For the past 30 years," he said, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

Sharing Things.

The newly appointed priest was being briefed by the housekeeper on
problems in the rectory that required immediate attention.
"Your roof needs repair, Father," she said.
"Your water pressure is bad and your furnace is not working."

"Now, Mrs. Kelly," the priest allowed,
"you've been the housekeeper here five years, and I've only been here
a few days.
Why not say our roof and our furnace?"

Several weeks later, when the pastor was meeting with the bishop and
several other priests, Mrs. Kelly burst into the office, terribly
upset.
"Father, Father," she blurted, "there's a mouse in our room and it's
under our bed!"

TRAFFIC CAMERA.
A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed.

He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even
though he knew he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot,
driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

He thought this was quite funny.

So, he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the
traffic camera flashed yet again.

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled
past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for
driving without a seat belt.

The Pope's Alaskan Bear Hunt.

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains
of Alaska.

He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard
a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

He found a helpless Democrat wearing wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote
for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt.

The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about
and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing
Go Sarah shirts came racing up.

One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest.

The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.

Then, using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.

Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup
truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back
seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned al of them men over to him.
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly
proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican
loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with
my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was
that guy?"

"Dude, that was was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct
contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he
doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still
alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"