From the records of the Institute of Mental Health (IMH)

Record I
One doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off,
what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm.. that's normal...So if I were to cut your other ear off,
what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will drop down..."

Record II
IMH has an old lady who wears black everyday, carries a black umbrella
and squats @ the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or
shine. The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her and decided
to start by understanding her behavior.

So, the doctor also wear black and carries a black umbrella; squatted
outside together just next to her, rain or shine, everyday without
fail. So...days goes by... the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a
single exchange of words for one solid month...

One fine day, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the
doctor:"Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"

Record III
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. . She got curious and went to
take a peek.. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself..."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write
a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ? I haven't received the letter,
how would I know??"

Record IV
Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of
them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground. After a
while, the patient rolling shouted to the top: "Hey! How come you are
not coming down yet?"

The patient on top replied: "No.. no... I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

Record V
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...? I think I'm a chicken since I
was born..."
Doctor: " that's very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to lay the eggs..."

Record VI
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH. He discovered a
flat tyre when he tried to drive off after unloading the stuff. He
jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

As he was about to fix on the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the
bolts into a deep the drain brimming with rain water. The truck driver
could not fish the bolts up.

An IMH patient walked past and asked the driver what had happened. The
driver thought to himself, what solution an IMH inmate could offer,
but nevertheless he told the patient the whole incident out of
politeness.

The patient  replied: "can't  solve such a simple problem...no wonder
you are destined to be a truck driver..." said the inmate

"You just have to take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it
onto this tyre. Drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing
ones"

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart so why are
you  in IMH?"
Patient replies "I am here because I'm crazy, not STUPID!"