The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store.

1. I always wanted to have,
Someone to hold,
Someone to love.
And
Now that you've come into my Life .
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit you brought religion into my life . . ..
(Inside Card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go byI think how lucky I am . . .
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go . . .
(Inside Card) - Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry . .
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age . . .
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together you said you'd die for me ... . .
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time . .
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you . .
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy . . .
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend.
If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket .. .
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
Birthday.
(Inside card) - So, we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy BirthdayUncle Dad!
(inside card).... Available only in Alabama Mississippi Arkansas and Kentucky

14. Looking back over the years we've been together
I can't help but wonder . . .
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day! . . .
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.