Doctors' unforgettable moments

1. A man comes into my examination room and yells, 'My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the
cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the
wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'
I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How
long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion, she
answered...'Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR

5. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the
grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'