Some for the road ...

Rudolf



A descendant of Eric The Red, named Rudolf the Red, was arguing with
his wife about the weather. His wife thought it was going to be a nice day,
and he thought it was going to rain. Finally she asked him, how he was so
sure. He smiled at her, and calmly said:

"Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."









Heist !



Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighborhood. The people in the neighborhood started

complaining to the parents about the boys. So the boys parents decided to have their priest talk to the boys.

The priest asks to speak to the boys alone, requesting to see the youngest first. The young boy comes in and

sits at a large table across the room from the priest. The priest looks at the boy, points at him and, trying to

emphasize that God is in everyone, asks, "Where is God?" The boy looks around the room and back at the

priest and says nothing. Again, the priest points at the boy and in a louder voice asks, "Where is God?"

The boy says nothing. The priest walks around the table, pointing inches from the boy’s face and asks again,

"Where is God?" The boy jumps out of his chair and runs out the door. The boy runs right home, grabs his older

brother and says to him, "We are in BIG trouble!" His brother replies, "We haven't done anything!" The younger

brother replies, "God's missing, and they think we did it!"





..........Of floating nuts and armpits



Two men are sitting at the local Karaoke bar having a beer. One is an older guy and the other younger.

After a few beers the young guy asks the old guy, " Hey, Pops! Is it true when you get old and are taking a

bath your nuts float?" The old boy replies,” Only when they are empty ,sonny! ” The barmaid only a few steps

away overhears the conversation and curiously asks the old gent, " Sir, you seem to know your stuff ;so tell me

how can you tell when a woman is getting old?" "Oh", he laughs, "That’s easy, when they’re lying on they’re back

you can’t see their armpits." "Huh", she says with surprise , " and why is that? "

The old guy smiles., " because her tits are lying in there!"







Joe and the Professor




Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest

test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class

notes backward and forward. Joe was ready. The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a

seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its

body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were

to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.

Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed

up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the

situation, the angrier he got. Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk,

crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the Prof. "How could anyone

tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to

regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the Prof shouted out, "Wait a minute,

young man, what's your name?" Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, Prof! You tell me!"







Love



is a temptation caused by a sensation
Which a man sticks his location into a girls destination
Which doubles the population for the next generation.
Do you need an explanation or do you need a demonstration?











Lilly was a prostitute.

One day there was a raid. All the prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took

them in one by one. As Lilly stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so

ashamed. Grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to say Hi, and asked what the

line was for. Lilly, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh oranges to those waiting.

Grandma said," wonderful!" She loved oranges and went to the end of the line.
When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said, "How the heck do you do

this at your age?” She said "Simple. I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck'em dry!"
The policeman fainted.





Moral : Never scrounge .



There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks

it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you

another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept

and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found

out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab

driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in

bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life,

you show up and drink my poison ..."



And........ a quickie...

Q: Did you hear about the gay magician?
A: Yes. He disappeared with a poof !