News from the Pharmacy...

These are the new wonder drugs that will soon be available:

Peptobimbo ...
Liquid silicone for single women.
Two full cups swallowed before an evening out, increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol ...
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. Causing
enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor ...
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics ...
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving
grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin ...
Potent antibiotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as,"You make me want to be a better
person ... Can we get naked now?"

Buyagra ...
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all ...
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy
so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a
book by Dr. Laura.

St. Mom's Wort ...
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering pre-schoolers
unconscious for up to six hours.

Anti-talksident ...
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin ...
Bedroom aerosol spray for men.
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.

Ragamet ...
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as
ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of
doing it herself.

Jack Asspirin ...
Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your
birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A new 'cure' for prostate problems???
WTF?

An oldie...
    A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and
take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the Garage,
'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic
was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,

'So Doc , look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out,
repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it
works just like new.

So, how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big  bucks
($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?'

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the
mechanic...

'Try doing it with the engine running.

 It has come to the attention of researchers of the Food and Drug
Administration that previously unanticipated complications, result
when Viagra is taken along with Ex-Lax.

Both products tend to act together and magnify the effects of the other.

The researchers have concluded that the result is that you end up both
coming and going at the same time.

It *really* gets complicated when Prozac is taken with the other
drugs, because then, you really don't give a shit if you're coming or
going.