Catholic Definitions...

Choir:

A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync.

Holy Water:

A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

Hymn:

A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that
of the congregation's range.

Incense:

Holy Smoke!

Jesuits:

An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with
good basketball teams.

Jonah:

The original "Jaws" story.

Justice:

When your children have kids of their own.

Kyrie Eleison:

The only Greek words that most Catholics an recognize besides gyros and baklava.

Magi:

The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

Manger:
1- Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO.
2- The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.

Pew:

A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

Procession:

The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar
servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

Recessional:

The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass—lead by
parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

Relics:

People who have been going to Mass for so long that they actually know
when to sit, kneel, and stand.

Ten Commandments:

The most important Top Ten list not produced by David Letterman.

Ushers:

The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.