XXX - Adult Puns!

Some are triple X - Caution.

Not for prudes

There once was a young man from Rhode Isle
Who said jogging just wasn't his style
"I'll get my workouts," he said.
While at home in my bed,
'Cos a Miss is as good as a mile."

Medical history was recently made at a famous children's hospital.
A baby boy was born with no eyelids,
So they fashioned replacements with his circumcised foreskin.
Everything seemed fine until they realized he turned out cock-eyed.

If it weren't for pickpockets,
I'd have no sex life at all.
The managers of the A1 Steak Sauce company were impressed by their new
billboard.
It showed a handsome-husband-type seated in front of a large plate of
steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant.
A pretty, buxom young waitress was standing over him, handing him a
bottle of A1. Originally they had titled the billboard,
"What Does She Know About Your Husband That You Don't?"
But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too
suggestive, they changed the headline.
Now it reads:
"He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?"

Sex is very much like drugs as the quality depends on the pusher.

The preacher got up in church one Sunday morning and told the congregation,
"Brothers and sisters, we are going to have to do something about
teenagers parking behind the church at night. I was out there this
morning and there are enough beer cans out there to build a car."
One of the old sisters stood up and said,
"Amen brother, and enough rubbers to put tires on it."

An elderly couple was sitting on the out porch when the husband turned
to his wife and, "Muffin, I feel like making love tonight."
The wife replied,
"Ok Ernest, I will let you, but be gentle this time."
"But I am always gentle with you, dearest,"
"That's not true," she replied,
"The last time you woke me up twice!"

Did you hear about the new high school course?
Intercourse.
You go between periods and you are expected to come.

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies
sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting
there in the car.
Were they trying to steal it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it away."
"We can't drive."
"Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed. So
we're just waiting."

How does a lesbian hold her liquor?
By the ears.

One day Pebbles Flintstone was in bed with Fred and Wilma.
They were both naked. Pebbles sees Fred's penis and says,
"Daddy, what's that?" and Fred says
"Th-that's... Um... that's daddy's rock."
A little while later Pebbles looks down and sees Wilma's vagina.
"What's that, mommy?" she asks.
"Oh.. That.. that's mommy's rock grinder."
All of a sudden Pebbles sits up and says,
"I get it! Daddy puts his rock into mommy's rock grinder and out comes pebbles!"