Ramblings of a Retired Mind ..

I  was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell
phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one.
So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call
blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you
still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce
it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease.
That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case
of an emergency.
I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
we supposed to do...write to these men?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
Or better yet, arrest them  while they are taking their pictures!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Holy Books a whole
lot more as they get older.
Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.