XX -Adult Puns!

As it happened, their wedding night fell during a religious holiday,
and, devout Episcopalian that he was, Mr. Rogers simply couldn't make
love to his virginal bride.
"I'm sorry," he said as they snuggled in bed, "but I can't have you
tonight. It's Lent."
Her brow crinkling with concern, his new bride said,
"Okay... But to whom and for how long?"

I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a simple
stage direction. My copy of the script clearly said,
"Enter Juliet from the rear."

After their recent wedding, Jennie and Brad got away for a few days on
a brief honeymoon.
While she was inspecting their honeymoon hotel room Jennie discovered
a little box attached to the bed.
"What's this for?" she asked Brad.
"If you put a quarter in," he answered, reaching into his pocket," the
bed starts vibrating."
"Save your money," Jennie giggled and said. "When you're a quarter in,
I start vibrating!"

The 69 position is like driving in rush hour,
The asshole is always in front of you!

A young Scotsman was all set up for his very first screw, but his
girlfriend says,
"Sorry Jock, not without a condom."
Young Jock searched the town high and low, but being a Sunday, every
place was closed.
Walking around, he eventually met Old Angus, a very good friend of his father.
Young Jock explained his problem.
Old Angus said,
"Don't worry son, I can help you out."
Young Jock took off and the night was beyond his wildest expectations.
A week later, he met Old Angus in the street and told him about his experience.
"It was wonderful, Angus. Thanks to you, I had the best time I have ever had."
"Just glad I could help out son; now where's the condom?" asked Old Angus.
Young Jock looked at him and replied,
"I threw it away."
Old Angus, with a scowl on his face, said,
 "Ah, yer in trouble now laddie -- that condom belonged to the club!"

Girls say they like a sensitive man,
But then they complain about my premature ejaculation.

Driving down U S 85 in South Carolina, I was getting low on gas, so I
exited to fill up in a small town.
On the outskirts of town, there apparently was a revival meeting going
on in a huge tent pitched in a field.
A large sign was on the street corner proclaiming....
"If you are weary of sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100
yards, and come into the revival tent."
Below the sign someone had hung another smaller one:
"IF NOT WEARY, CALL SHERRY 555-3550."

Hershey Bar:
Another name for a lesbian cocktail lounge

Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club.
One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.
When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill
and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill.
She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his
other butt cheek.
In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls
out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill.
I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just
stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me!
Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on
to try to top the $50.
My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet..
What could I do?
The woman in me took over!
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed
the eighty bucks and left!