XX - Adult Puns!

These are really good but ADULT humor. If you are an adult but think
like a child - dont..

A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.
'Care to go upstairs and have a shag?' the husband asks.
'Shhh!' said the bride. 'All the neighbours will know what we're about
to do. These walls are paper-thin. In the future, we'll have to ask
each other in code. For example, how about asking,
"Have you left the washing machine door open" instead?'
So, the following night, the husband asks,
'I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open did you?'
'No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and went to sleep.
When she woke up, however, she was feeling a little randy herself and
she nudged her husband and said,
'I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would
you like to do some washing?'
'No thanks,' said the husband, 'it was only a small load and I've done
it by hand.'

I'm not saying she's easy, but she's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.

"My but you look different today Sunshine." commented Renee to her co-worker.
"Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did
you use special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up?"
"No !" replied Sunshine. "My damn vibrator shorted out this morning."

Ninety percent of men who try Camels prefer women.
The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she
walked by it.
She finally entered the shop one day and said,
"Just how much is that watch?"
"It's $2,000, ma'am."
"Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?"
"Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?"
"I was thinking two times a week for the next two months."

The difference between a girlfriend and wife is 10 years and 45 lbs.
The difference between a boyfriend and husband is 45 minutes.

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.
He says,
"Hey Dad! What are you doing?"
His father says,
"I'm filling your mother's tank."
Little Johnny says,
"Yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The
milkman filled her this morning."

Air is a lot like sex because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

A woman has a problem with her closet door, it was falling every time
a bus was passing by.
So, she called a repair man.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every
time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me"
and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds
the repairman. Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"

In case of fallout, put it back in and take shorter strokes!

A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she
was about to have a heart transplant.
The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the
surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said,
"Doctor, I'm worried about my friend."
The Doctor said,
"Nothing to worry about, your friend is in extremely good health,
except for her heart condition. How long has she been in the
business?"
The patient's friend replied
"She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to
do with anything?" "Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for
16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to
start now!"