XX - Adult Puns.

Rabbi Levy is addressing the 'Enlighten Your Daughter' meeting of the
synagogue women's guild.
"Ladies," he says, "I'm sure some of you know by now that the
unfortunate Jonathan Bloom has been sent to prison for making love to
his wife Sadie's dead body."
A number of 'Oy Vays' are heard from the ladies present.
"You might also be interested to know," the Rabbi goes on to say,
"that I spoke to Jonathan yesterday and I now firmly believe that his
actions were entirely innocent and accidental.
So, although we are all feeling sorry for Jonathan, there is a lesson
to be learned. Ladies, go back home to your daughters and tell them
that when making love with a good Jewish husband, they should please
make a little wiggle."

The best secretary in the world to have is the one that never misses a period.

Doing the missionary position does not mean you have sex in a church.

Tom in deep thoughts is sitting calm, very quiet. Jerry asks,
"What is wrong with you, Tom?"
"Please don't ask." "I am your childhood friend. Talk to me."
"My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant."
"That's not possible."
"No, he did."
"How's that possible?"
"He punctured my condoms!"

The gay burglar couldn't blow the safe, so he went down on the elevator.

One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay shed.
When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his girlfriend on
the bottom level of the hay shed.
He decided he wouldn't disturb them,
So, he laid down and rested.
After a while he heard his son say,
"Father, father up above. Give me strength for one last shove."
So the father, being smart, replied,
"Son, son down below. Get off and give your father a go."

"I broke my glasses when I was kissing my girl,"
"How could you break your glasses kissing a girl?"
"You see, she crossed her legs..."

The blonde was upset when she got her Driver's License because she got
an F in sex.

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had
rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them
before the Judge;
Three stood before him, all arrested on the same corner.
He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself.
The woman was irate,
"I don't know what all this is about your Honor. I'm a college student
doing research for a term paper."
The Judge sighed and said,
"Well, Miss, I would have thought you'd done enough research by now.
My computer says you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250
fine."
He then turned to the second lady and requested her to testify.
The woman began crying softly and said,
"Judge, I am just a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my
husband. I have no idea why I was arrested."
This time, the Judge shook his head and said,
"Well, young lady, the officer tells me that he saw you had a stack of
bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' in his new Cadillac.
Thirty days and $250 fine."
He turned to the last of the trio and asked her occupation.
The woman said simply,
"I'm a hooker."
Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said,
"How's business?"
She sneered and replied,
"Terrible Judge, with all these students and housewives undercutting
me, I can't turn a single trick."