XX - Adult Puns.
A stewardess did her usual act of showing passengers the safety drill.
Near the end she said,
'And in the event of an emergency, bend forward and put your head
between your legs.' Eunice said to her boy friend Jeff,
"I can't bend that far these days!"
Jeff replied with a smile,
"Well then, you'll just have to put your head between my legs."
Eunice looked wide-eyed at her boy friend, and asked,
"If my head were between your legs, where could you put your head?"
"My love," replied Jeff, "if you've got your head between my legs, I
won't give a damn where my head is!"
I sez to him,
"I clearly have your number! You only want me for my body! What do you
say to that?"
He sez to me,
"Hmmmmmmmm... Let me sleep on it."
This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they
cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute.
A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green
lump on the end of his penis.
The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls down a weighty medical
book and flicks through it till he finds what he's looking for.
He looks up and says,
"I'm afraid this is serious. We'll have to operate!"
"Operate?" exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc? What's the problem?"
"Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear? You've developed
the same sort of thing. You've got a brothel sprout."
What is a woman with sperm on her glasses most likely to say?
"I saw that one coming..."
One day an inmate of a lunatic asylum broke out of his cell and after
wandering around unnoticed, entered the laundry department where he
found a lady worker at work.
He raped her and then managed to escape from the mental institution.
The next day, the local newspaper had this headline -
NUT SCREWS WASHER & BOLTS!
Teacher to his student:
"Give me the opposite of this sentence: Children in the dark make mistakes."
Student:
"Mistakes in the dark make children."
One day the parents of an fifteen-year- old boy and his fourteen-year-
old sister leave them alone together in the house.
The two kids begin talking about "it," and pretty soon they decide to
try doing "it" with each other.
After they're done, the boy says:
"Wow, you're even better than Mom!"
"I know," says the girl, "that's what Dad says too."
Blonde to postman delivering a package:
"Oh good. My dildo finally came and now so can I."
There were two teenage girls who decided they wanted to go into a
package store and see if they could buy some liquor.
So, they parked their car and one girl said to her friend,
"You wait here I'm going in to see if I can get us something to drink.
If I am not back in 15 minutes come in and look for me and see if
maybe I got busted and might need you to call my parents or
something."
So, the girl disappears into the store and 15 minutes goes by and the
second girl is getting worried about her friend so she goes to the
front door of the package store to see if she's ok and the door is
locked!
And all of the lights are off and no one is in sight.
She looks at her watch and says gee it's too early for the store to be
closed so she decides to go around to the back and try to get in that
way.
She goes to the backdoor, which is also locked, but it has a small window.
So, she peeks into the window and sees that the owner of the package
store has her friend tied up in a standing position with her arms over
her head and she is butt naked and the owner of the store is licking
her friend all over her body from head to toe.
She freaks out and says,
"OMG I better go call 911."
So she goes to a phone and calls the police and finally they get there
and they bang and bang on the door until the owner finally opens it.
They enter the store and tell the owner you better get this girl
dressed and out of here right away.
The girl says,
"But wait!! I want to press charges and the cops tell her,
"You can't press charges."
She says,
"He had me tied up naked"
He gets up and asks them why they are fighting.
The police say I am sorry you cannot press charges and the girls ask
again but why not? The police say because he has a "liquor license"!!
