A FEW THINGS THAT CAN DRIVE A SANE PERSON INSANE

*You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little
plastic thing in the middle of them.

*The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back
of your ankle.

*The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

*There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to
find an address.

*You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

*It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it
till you walk across your living room rug.

*The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.

*There's a dog in the neighbourhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

*You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

*Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and
discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.

*You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.

*You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

*Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

*A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio
but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.

*There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.

*You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire
laundry comes out covered with lint.

*The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian
finish crossing.

*A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

*You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

*The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

*You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

*People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a
counter just opening up.

*Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

*You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary
because you don't know how to spell it.

*You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that
you're just browsing.

* You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

*You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash
your head on the way up.