X - Adult Puns.

A little boy came home from playing outside one day.
He was huffing and puffing, like he was winded.
All of sudden, the boy's father heard a kitten squalling like it was
extremely uncomfortable. He turned around and looked.
Sure enough, there's his son -- holding a kitten - obviously no more
than 6 weeks old! "What have you got there, son?"
"It's especially for you, Dad," the boy replied.
The father asked,
"What do you mean?"
"Remember the other night, you told Mom you wanted 'a little pussy? '
"Well, I heard you, and I went out and got you one!"

The spinster sold her bra because she was flat busted.

John was in a bar looking very dejected.
His friend, Steve, walked over and asked,
"What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly.
"I have a real problem with her."
 "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant."

Embarrassing Moments:
"Look, lover boy, $150 means $150.
I don't give a damn if that turned out to be $300 a minute."

"Did you know that Linda has become a vegetarian?"
"Really? Wow!"
"Yep, and she's become a lesbian, as well. I guess she doesn't want
'meat' of any kind!"

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the
movies when his toupee slides off.
As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up
under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says,
"That's it! That's it!"
He says,
"It can't be. I part mine on the side."

When you cross a rooster and a telephone pole you get a 40ft cock that
wants to reach out and touch someone.

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said,
"Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
"Yes."
So I said,
"Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.

The Latina gal who was an expert at oral sex was referred to as, "the
Gulp of Mexico!"

Scientists have developed a new pill that will now help impotent men
who are also hay fever sufferers.
By combining Allegra to take care of the allergies, and Viagra for the
impotency, it gives you an erection not to be sneezed at!

Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Exhibitionists don't retire because they would rather stick it out forever.

A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my
husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what the problem is." "The problem is,she complained, "It wakes me
up!"