Good ones

A Blonde's Year in Review

January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Hello,
bottles won't fit in printer.

March: Got really excited, finished jigsaw puzzle in six months. Box
said two-four years.

April: Trapped on escalator for hours. Power went out.

May: Tried to make Kool-Aid, wrong instructions. Eight cups of water
won't fit into those little packets.

June: Wanted to go water skiing. Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July: Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later the other
swimmers used their arms.

August: Got locked out of car in rainstorm. Car swamped because top was down.

September: The capital of California is "C" isn't it?

October: Hate M&Ms. They are so hard to peel.

November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days. Instructions said one hour per
pound, and I weigh 108.

December: Couldn't call 911. There's no 11 button on the stupid phone.

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Something You're

Not Telling Me, Doc?

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed
has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the women replied, "I'm
wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."