Puns

Puns of fun for you!

The ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of
language development . Here are the top 10 winners in the
International Pun Contest:

1 . A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons . The
Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger . "

2 . Two fish swim into a concrete wall . The one turns to the other
and says, "Dam!"

3 . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft . Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too .

4 . Two hydrogen atoms meet . One says, "I've lost my electron . " The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive . "

5 . Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication .

6 . A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories .
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse . But why?", they asked, as they moved off . "Because,"
he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer . "

7 . A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption . One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal . " The other goes to a
family in Spain ; they name him "Juan . . " Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother . Upon receiving the picture,
she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal
. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal . "

8 . A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds . Since everyone liked
to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town
thought the competition was unfair . He asked the good fathers to
close down, but they would not . He went back and begged the friars to
close . They ignored him . So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade"
them to close . Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop . Terrified, they did
so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars .

9 . Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet . He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath . This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis .

10 . And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh .

No pun in ten did .