You've Been Married too Long

Wife:         Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband:  Nothing.
Wife:         Nothing...?? You ' ve been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour??
Husband:  I was just looking for the expiration date.

              **********

Wife :           Do you want dinner?
Husband :    Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :           Yes and no.

             **********

Wife:  You always carry my photo in your briefcase to the office.  Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife:  You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ' What other
problem can there be greater than this one? '

              **********

A wife asked her husband: ' What do you like most in me my pretty face
or my sexy body? '
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ' I like your sense of humor. '

              **********

The Silent Fart

An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway
through, she leaned over and whispered To her husband, ' I just let
out a long silent fart. What Do you think I should do? '
He replied, ' Put a new battery in your hearing aid. '