Puns of the Day...

Neanderthals, science now thinks
Had no sausage to eat with their drinks
Without wieners, salami,
Hot dogs or pastrami
Quite frankly, weren't they missing links

When the hippie got a G.I. Haircut,
He was dis-tressed.

It was parent's day at the local university and the Dean was showing a
group of parents the great things about the campus.
While walking by the Science building a student walked out dressed
entirely in black, wearing a mask and brandishing a sword.
When one of the parents inquired if such a student could be considered
a distraction to the others, the Dean replied
"Well yes. But you see we have a Zorro Tolerance policy at this school."

I had a table server who got all our orders mixed up.
He was a real dumbwaiter.

Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony.
When it was over, she asked her mother,
"Why did the lady change her mind?"
Her mother asked,
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one."

The woman started dating rakes and fell on hard tines.

A blonde woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour,
when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.
Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her.
She shot up to 90 miles.
The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead.
She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room.
Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.
The three cops were standing there waiting for her.
Without batting an eye, she said coyly,
"I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

The buxom soprano fainted right in the middle of her aria.
It took four men to carry her from the stage, two abreast.

I recently noticed that one young pigeon in our park had begun
decorating himself with shiny found objects such as paper clips or
discarded aluminum pull tabs.
As soon as they saw this, several other young pigeons began to emulate
him and collected their own bits of litter to serve as "jewelry."
Naturally, this resulted a good deal of squab bling.

Knowledge is power ...
But power corrupts ...
And corruption is a crime ...
And crime doesn't pay ...
So, if you keep on studying you'll go broke!

Tagging Birds according to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the
inscription on the metal bands used by the U. S. Department of the
Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.
The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological
Survey, abbreviated: WASH. BIOL. SURV.
Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds.
I think it was a crow.
I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell
you it was horrible."

Spinster:
Female disk jockey.

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and
met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked,
"What's your handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman suitably impressed that she was
paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch
out the bad ones!

Sign at a Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an
equally fundamentally Christian pet,
So, they went shopping.
At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog
they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he
did it in a flash.
When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally
fast, using his paws with dexterity.
They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home.
That night they had friends over.
They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major
skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.
The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do
any of the usual dog tricks, as well.
This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
Well, they said,
"Let's try this out."
Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command,
"Heel!"
Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead,
closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.