X - Adult Puns

Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful woman
passes them. She's 5'10", 120#'s 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and
no tan lines!
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a
breathless whisper says,
"It's women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!

Jewish men are circumcised because Jewish women won't touch anything
unless it is 20% off.

There was a Chinese father named Cheng who was very close to his son.
They used to go everywhere together including looking for "birds"
(Chinese slang for prostitute).
One day, Chung the son decided to go overseas for study.
The father was very supportive, and before his son left, the father told him,
"Chung we cannot look for chicken together for the next few years.
However, if you need to look for chicken, please go ahead and I will pay for it.
But, please state the expense as 'Shooting Bird' so that your mother
will not suspect."
So the son left, and after a month, the father received the bill from
Chung, the son,......
Shooting Bird - $300
Subsequently, and for the next few months, the bill for shooting bird
is more than $700. Well, the father could not tolerate this, so he
wrote to his son.
"Chung Son, you have been shooting too expensive bird, try some cheaper one".
A month later, Cheng, the father, received another bill from his son.
On it he had written:
Shooting Bird - $50
Rifle Repair - $2,000

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar.
"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her.
"I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how
personal it is."
"OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?"
"I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!"
"Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it."

"Good morning! How may I help you say it with flowers?" the florist
cheerfully asked as he answered his phone.
"Well, since you put it that way," the male caller answered, "I want
you to send my secretary a cactus."
"What on earth does a cactus 'say' to your secretary?" the florist queried.
"It says I want her to feel a prick."

Four insurance companies are in competition.
One comes up with the slogan,
"Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The second one tries to improve on that with,
"Coverage from the womb to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with,
"From the sperm to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up
the race, but finally came up with,
"From the erection to the resurrection."

Define "Download":
To flush the john

"First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get
you a bit loose."
"Oh no you're not," said the girl.
"Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."
"Oh no you're not."
"Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."
"Oh no you're not." "
Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."
"Oh no you're not." "And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.
"Oh yes you are!" said the girl.

She was only a Meter-Reader's daughter but she liked a copper in her slot.