From SA

The stands at Ellis Park Rugby Ground were packed for the Currie Cup Final.
Two old friends spotted each other and waved.
"Hello Piet. How did you manage to get in?"
"I used Harry's season ticket"
"That's lucky. What is Harry doing today?"
"He stayed at home to look for his season ticket". (Einaaaaaaaaaaaaaah….).

An investment counsellor went out on her own. She was shrewd and
diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she
needed an in-house counsel.
So she began interviewing young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can
understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a
business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question."
She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest.
Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education and
I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive ... and what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the
money." (Yislaaaaaik..)

We must limit politicians to two terms: ….  one in office and one in jail.

 The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women ask too Many Questions.

 Laugh  And The World Laughs With You, Snore  And You sleep Alone

The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
 Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Advertisement in a Long Island Shop:

Guitar for sale....... Cheap....... ....no strings attached.
Ad in Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
On a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives.

You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On
Lipstick Or when your Son starts To wipe It Off

Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You, Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'
Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using
the following password :……

………MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at
least 8 characters long.