A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION!!

an Oldie but still funny

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making

love to an attractive young woman.

 And she was somewhat upset.'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your
children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

 And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can
tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be
the last words you'll say to me!'

 And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

 I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

 So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas
I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're
afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

 Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away.

 Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you
have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too
tight.

 I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

 I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you
don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought
at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a
pair the same.'

 The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful
for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she
turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have
anything else that your wife doesn't use?