"WOMAN" - A scientific analysis

CONTROL OF SUBSTANCES HAZARDOUS TO HEALTH

Material Safety Data Sheet




Element

Woman


Symbol

Wo


Discoverer

Adam


Atomic Mass

Accepted as 53.6kg but may vary from 40kg to 200kg


Occurrence

Copious quantities in all urban areas


PHYSICAL PROPERTIES


1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.

2. Boils at various temperatures, freezes without any known
reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common
ore.

6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.


CHEMICAL PROPERTIES


1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious
stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no
apparent reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by
saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.


COMMON USES


1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.

3. Very effective cleaning agent.


TESTS


1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when found in its natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.


POTENTIAL HAZARDS


1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into
direct contact with each other.