FART CALENDAR

Man's destiny is in the stars. Likewise, his characteristics are in his
farts. Check the day of the month on which you were born and, from this
list, see what kind of a fart you are.

1. AMBITIOUS Always ready for a fart
2. LAZY Just fizzles
3. AMIABLE Likes to smell others' farts
4. SELFISH Only enjoys smelling his own farts
5. CARELESS Farts in church
6. SMART ALEC Farts in the presence of ladies
7. CLEVER Coughs and farts at the same time
8. SCIENTIFIC Bottles his farts
9. STINGY Belches instead of farts -- to save his ass hole
10. TIMID Jumps when he farts
11. SHY Blushes as he farts silently
12. CONCEITED Thinks he can fart the loudest -- and tries
13. UNLUCKY Tries to fart -- can't -- shits instead
14. FOOLISH Farts and giggles
15. BEWILDERED Can't tell his own from others
16. SLOVENLY Farts and fizzles -- rots his pants
17. NERVOUS Stops in the middle of a fart
18. MISERABLE Can't fart at all
19. CONFUSED Face so much like an ass, fart can't tell which way to go
20. GROUCH Grumbles when ladies fart
21. SNEAKY Farts and blames it on the dog
22. DISAPPOINTED One whose farts don't smell
23. FRESH GUY Jumps in front of you to fart
24. BULLY Farts louder than anyone else
25. DELUDED Enjoys other farts, thinking they are his own
26. CUTE Discovers from farts what was eaten
27 WISE Farts and asks, "Who in the hell shit?"
28. DAMNED MEAN Farts in bed -- pulls sheet over wife's head
29. MUSICAL Tenor or bass -- clear as a bell -- smells like shit -- sounds like hell
30. HONEST Admits that it was the hostess who farted
31. LIVELY GUY Jumps in the air, farts three times, and clicks his heels simultaneously