TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US, PLEASE!!!

FAMILY

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night
the 96
Year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells
to the
Other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She
Starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or
down?" The
92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
her
Sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
that
Forgetful," as she knocked on her wooden table for good measure.
" She
Then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the
Door."
_______________________________________________

"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March
Day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second
man
Replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I.
Let's
Have a beer."
___________________________________________

WHAT A CHOICE

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As
She walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say,
"Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown
at him,
She said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and
finally
Answered, "I'll take the soup."
____________________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they
Had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities
Had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One
day, they
Were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
don't get
Mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just
can't
Think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember
it.
Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at
least
Three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said,
"How
Soon do you need to know?"
_____________________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman,
I just
Heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77.
Please be careful!"
Herman said, "It's not just one car. It's
Hundreds of them!"
______________________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely
see
Over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
Intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The
Woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
it. I
Could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the
light
Was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost
Sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she
was
Losing it.!

She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the
light
Was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman
and
Said, "Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three red
lights in a
Row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and
said,
"Crap, Am I driving?"

______________________________________________________

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has
Been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the
Dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the
brake pedal
And even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher say, "Stay calm, Maam, an officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

"Disregard.", He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."