Fwd: ODDS & ENDS
ODDS & ENDS
1. The Worst Slogan Translations Ever
2. The Racoon Coat
3. The Dead Mule
4. Good Sex For Golfers (Adult Content)
5. The Prom (Adult Content)
1.
THE WORST SLOGAN TRANSLATIONS EVER
13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were
supposed to have read,
"It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you."
The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to
embarrass, so the ad read:
"It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in
an American campaign:
"Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."
11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany
only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure.
Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."
10) Coors put its slogan,
"Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into
"Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label.
Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on
the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.
7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
notorious porno magazine.
6) Frank Perdue's chicken slogan,
"It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as
"it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first
class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather"
campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in
Spanish.
4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish
market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope"
(el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).
3) The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?"
prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico.
It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read
"Are You Lactating?"
2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the
Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It
Doesn't Go".
1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning
"Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending
on the dialect.
Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent
"kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."
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2.
THE RACOON COAT
Back in the roaring twenties raccoon coats were the rage, especially
among the college set in the ivy league schools.
Just any raccoon coat wouldn't do.
It had to be a full length duster almost reaching the floor to really
be in style.
John, a young man with a very rich but miserly father who was entering
his freshman year at Harvard was surprised to learn when he moved into
the dorm that he just couldn't fit in without a raccoon coat.
He pleaded with his father that he just had to have a raccoon coat or
would never make it at school.
After several letters back and forth his father agreed to purchase a
beautiful coat on one condition.
The condition was that the coat must not be damaged in any way during
the next four years.
If there was any damage to the coat at all after four years the John
would be disinherited and have to go find a job on his own.
He would not be allowed to join the father in his very prosperous business.
John quickly agreed to the conditions without thinking of the implications.
The father bought the best raccoon coat money could buy, then had
several members of his staff count the number of hairs on the coat.
They found there were exactly 1,524,203 hairs.
A second group of staff members recounted and confirmed there were
1,524,203 hairs.
The coat was then carefully sealed in a package and sent off to
Harvard with a note informing the John of the hair count.
When John received the coat he was overjoyed that his ostracism by his
fellow students was soon to end.
Then he read the enclosed letter.
He showed the coat to all his friend but was afraid to wear it under
any circumstances for fear of damaging it in some manner.
After everyone had seen the coat he resealed it in its box and placed
it on the shelf in his closet.
He often showed the coat to new friends but could never work up the
courage to wear it until his senior year.
Harvard was playing Yale for the conference championship in football.
He bought nine tickets to the game, three seats behind his, the seats
to either side, and the three seats in front.
He was going to be damned sure no one spilled drink or mustard on his
beloved coat.
He didn't enjoy the game at all because of his concern for his coat.
Immediately after the game he returned the coat to the closet where it
had been for three years after carefully spending several hours
recounting the hairs.
All 1,524,203 were intact but after such a tedious job he made a mistake.
He didn't reseal the bag in which he had been storing the coat these many years.
During the night a campus moth crawled under the door of the closet,
fluttered up onto the box and crawled inside.
He had a feast but being a small moth one hair was all his tiny
stomach could hold.
He emerged from the box, fluttered from the closet and flew up onto
the light fixture to get warm and have a nap.
The next day the hapless student decided to recheck the hair-count.
It took him hours but when finished he knew he was in trouble.
There were only 1,524,202 hairs.
He wailed in despair at the top of his lungs.
All his fraternity brothers came running into the room expecting the worst.
John recounted the whole story about his fathers conditions and his
impending fate.
In all the commotion the little moth asleep on the light fixture awakened.
He listened to the story in amazement.
As the whole story unfolded the moth became terribly sad.
Have you ever seen a moth bawl?
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3.
THE DEAD MULE
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS.
And bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied,
"Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said,
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said,
"OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked,
"What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said,
"We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said,
"You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said,
"We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the
Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked,
"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,
"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,
"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."
The farmer said,
"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said,
"Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."
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4.
GOOD SEX FOR GOLFERS -
Here are the Rules
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one
club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to
do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take
time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being
played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players
equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for
the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a
private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful
in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means
of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any
bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with,
and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners
request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play
the same hole several times in one match.
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5.
THE PROM
There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were
approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom
night and neither of them had a date for it.
So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says, "Hey, you got a
date for the prom yet?"
He says, "No, why? You got someone lined up for me?"
"You might say that. Why don't you take me to the prom?"
"Take you? You kidding? You're my sister!"
"Well, are you taking somebody else out?"
"You know I don't have a date, sis."
"And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, don't we?" Her
brother nods.
She continues, "So we should go with each other."
The brother can't see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells
his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening he
will take her to the prom.
Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so
the brother tells his sister that he'll take her to the prom on
Friday.
At the prom, both of them have a good time. The brother is glad that
his sister talked him into taking her.
Then, while he's standing at the punch bowl, his sister comes up to him again.
"Hey, brother, let's dance. "
He looks around to make sure that nobody heard her. "Look, sis, this
is the Senior Prom, okay? I'm not going to dance with my own sister at
the prom, okay?"
"Don't be so shy. Look, Jimmy Elder is dancing with his cousin. So why
can't you dance with your sister?"
"Oh... all right. "
So they dance, a slow number. The rest of the prom passes by and after
a while it's over and time to go. Both of them have had a good time.
In the car, with the brother at the wheel, the sister looks over at
him and says, "Let's not go straight home."
He gives her a curious look and says, "What are we going to do instead?"
"Oh, I don't know. Just drive around."
He agrees, and after they have driven around a while, out in the
country, she looks over at him again and says, "Want to find some
place to park?"
"Hell," he says, "are you crazy? You're my sister, I'm not going
parking with you!"
"Who said anything about 'going parking'? Let's just pull over
somewhere and talk for a while, okay? It's been a busy year for both
of us, how long has it been since we've had a chance to talk to each
other?"
So she finally talks her brother into pulling the car over on a
secluded back road, and after a few minutes of idle talk, she looks
over at him again.
"Hey... " she says.
"What?"
"Why don't you kiss me?"
"You've been suggesting a lot of weird things lately, you know that?
I'm not going to kiss you, you're my sister! "And he reached for the
ignition switch to start the car.
She reached out and took his hand. "I know I'm your sister. You've
mentioned that a lot lately. And you're my brother. And don't we love
each other? Why shouldn't we kiss if we feel like it?" She kissed him
on the cheek and he kissed her back. After a few minutes of kissing,
she whispered in his ear, "Come on. Let's do it."
"Do what?" said her brother, but he had a good idea of what his sister
had in mind.
"You know what," his sister replied.
"I can't do that with you, you're my... " His voice trailed off.
While he was on top of her, his sister murmured, "You know, you're a
lot lighter than Dad."
"I know," said her brother. "Mom told me."
