Some Legal Jokes, For Free

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house, with those
expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind. Today, I got a call
from Home Depot, who installed them. The guy there complained, that
the work at my house had been completed, a year ago, but that I still
hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo?!, just because I'm blonde, it doesn't mean that I am also
automatically stupid?! So, I told him, just what his fast-talking
sales guy had told me, last year. That these windows would pay for
themselves, in a year. Hellooooo!? It's been a year, so they are paid
for, I told him.

There was only silence, at the other end of my phone line. So, I
finally hung up. That guy, never called me back. I bet he felt, like
an idiot.
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A man went to his lawyer, and told him, "My neighbour owes me US$ 500,
and doesn't want to pay me. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof?", asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter, asking him for the US$ 1,000, that he
owes you", said the lawyer.

"But it's only US$ 500?!" replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply, and we will have the proof, that we
need", replied the lawyer.

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The professor of a Contract Law class, asked one of his better
students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go
about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange, for you."

The professor was outraged, and said, "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Ok. I will tell him - "I hereby give
and convey to you, all and singular, my estate and interests, rights,
claims, titles and advantages, of and in the said orange, together
with all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and
advantages with full power, to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat the
same, or give the same away, with and without the pulp, juice, rind
and seeds, anything herein before and hereinafter or in any deed, or
deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind, whatsoever to the
contrary in anywise notwithstanding."
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A dog ran into a butcher's shop, and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog, as belonging to a
neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be, a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor, and
said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast, from my butchery, would you be
liable, for the cost of the meat?"
The lawyer replied, "Of course! How much was the roast?"

The pleased butcher replied, "US$ 7.98".
A few days later, the butcher received a cheque in the mail, for
for US$ 7.98. Attached to it, was an invoice that read, 'My Legal
Consultation Charges - US$ 150'.
............................................................................................

The lawyer's son, wanted to follow in his father's footsteps. So he
went to law school. He graduated with Honours, and then went home, to
join his father's legal firm. At the end of his first day at work, he
rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, you know what? In
one day, I managed to solve the Accident Case, that you have been
working on, for the past 10 years!?" His father responded, "You
idiot?! We lived comfortably, on the funding of that case, for the
past 10 years!?"