XXX ADULT PUNS!

"You look mad, Jill. Why are you so upset?"
"It's work! My boss gave the job I deserved to another woman! I'm
better qualified and have been at the company longer!"
"Oh, that's a shame! What's the position?"
"Well, from what I understand, it's on her knees under his desk!"

The New York Police Department fired all their gay detectives
Because
They kept blowing all their cases.

My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us.
"I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?"
"I'm not sure," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the
film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing."

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering
for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily,
"Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E. Logo printed on
my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied,
"Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on
my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front
door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says.
"Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't
think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"
So, he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to
go home and help out.
As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd this all get fixed?" She said,
"Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young
man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the
repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake."
He said,
"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied,
"Hellooooo. Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

Confucius Say:
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always
after the girl to quit smoking.
One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said,
"You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said,
"I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."
He replied,
"But they stunt your growth."
She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said,
"So, what's your excuse then?"

Good:
Your son's doing extra credit work.
Bad:
Making a sex Ed video.
Worse:
He's the star of it.