One liners to wince over

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said
white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30
minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.


Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after
they tested positive for WD40.


A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's
Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.

ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another
Thai Brothel!!!


Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so
fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty
face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to
hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.


I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be
honest I only intended to rough him up a bit


Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to
do was eat, drink and be Mary.



Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam
can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change
supplier I think.