XXX: ADULT PUNS!

A woman was in a sex boutique shopping for vibrators when the clerk said,
"Perhaps you might be interested in this one. It's our most realistic
model."
The woman said,
"You mean it's shaped exactly like a man's penis?"
"No," the clerk replied, "I mean that after five minutes it goes soft for
the rest of the night."


A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately
notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says
"Wow, that's a huge lighter. Where did you get it?"
The guy replies
"A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."
"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."
The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears.
"You are granted one wish" says the genie.
The guy says,
"I want a million bucks!
"Done" says the genie and disappears.
A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in
come ducks.
Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar
door.
"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish,
"I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The second guy then says,
"Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

When you mix a rooster with a telephone pole,
You get a 30 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

A teenage girl came home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said
her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the Subject had finally
come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my
teeth out?"

Went out last night and got really wasted.
I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and
farting,
So I knew I made it home ok!

There was a Chinese father named Cheng who was very close to his son.
They used to go everywhere together including looking for "birds" (Chinese
slang for prostitute).
One day, Chung the son decided to go overseas for study.
The father was very supportive, and before his son left, the father told
him,
"Chung we cannot look for chicken together for the next few years. However,
if you need to look for chicken, please go ahead and I will pay for it. But
please state the expense as 'Shooting Bird' so that your mother will not
suspect."
So, the son left, and after a month, the father received the bill from
Chung, the son,...... (shooting bird - $300).
Subsequently, and for the next few months, the bill for shooting bird is
more than $700.
Well, the father could not tolerate this,
So, he wrote to his son.
"Chung Son, you have been shooting too expensive bird, try some cheaper
one".
A month later, Cheng, the father, received another bill from his son.
On it he had written: "Shooting Bird - $50 & Rifle Repair - $2,000."

They are called Asteroids
Because
They were first discovered around Uranus.

Frannie went to the doctor, saying she had a problem with her aviaries.
The doctor said,
"Frannie, you're being silly. You mean ovaries. Aviaries are where you find
birds."
Frannie shook her head and said she meant 'aviaries'.
Not prepared to argue, the doctor told her to get on the couch for an
inspection.
After a quick look, he said,
"Well, Frannie, you're right! There's been a cockatoo in there."

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students
on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of
temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of
pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,
"Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"