XX Best "comeback" line

Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous. Recently, a female
police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was
fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Gwinnett County, Georgia, courthouse, Lawrence was
charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public
intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home
from a drinking session when he decided to stop, "You know how a pumpkin is
soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least
I thought there wasn't anyone around," he stated.
The defendant went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road,
picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole
in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. "Guess I was really into
it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching
police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor
approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I
walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence. "I said: 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you're having
sex with a pumpkin?'

"He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said:

'A pumpkin? Shit! Is it midnight already?'"