XXX ADULT PUNS!

The gay man took two aspirin with his Viagra
So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.

"So at the end of our first date, he told me he wanted me for a friend."
"All right."
"Yeah, but on the second date, he brought the friend!"

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students
on sexual morality.
"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of
temptation," she said, "Ask yourself just one question:
Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said,
"Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

Garbage men come once a week.


Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman.
It's got to be hot.
You've got to take your time.
You've got to stir gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak.
And then you put in the milk.

On a southbound train a few months after the civil war, a young belle
suddenly moved from her seat next to a businessman and sat beside a
confederate veteran who was on his way home from the front lines.
"That carpetbagger offered me fifty dollars to sleep with him tonight," the
offended girl indignantly told the soldier.
The southerner immediately drew his gun and shot the man.
"Let that be a lesson to any other damn Yankees. We never pay a girl over
twenty dollars here in Dixie!"

What do a condom and a woman have in common?
They both spend too much time in your wallet and not enough time on your
dick.