Samurai! and others

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new
Chief Samurai.

After a year, only three applied for the job:

A Japanese,
A Chinese and
A Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly.

He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly
divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor.

"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."

The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny
box, releasing a fly.

He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! *

The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.

"How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"

The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward opened a tiny box
releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his
sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room.

But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly
isn't even dead."

"Dead," replied the Jewish Samurai !!


"Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"

Party


Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
Alaska as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
door.
He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas
party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops.
"Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with
the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
"More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
" Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, Thanks
again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been
all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter .... Just gonna be the two of us."