XX ADULT PUNS!

In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
Massaging the tits of his madam,
He chuckled with mirth,
For he knew that on earth,
There were only two boobs and he had 'em.

I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife.
She was delighted.
I spent $2,000 on a nose job for her.
She was ecstatic.
I spent another $2,000 on liposuction for her.
She was over the moon.
Then I spend $50 on a blow job for myself and she goes fucking mental.
Women!

70% of the gay population were born that way.
30% were sucked into it.

This young couple have been trying to have a baby.
After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't having
any luck.
"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks Frank, the
husband.
"What's 'ejaculate'?" asks Frank.
"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained the
doctor patiently.
The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then asks,
"Do you mean the gooey white stuff? Well, my little honey says it's icky, so
I shoot it into the pillow."

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician
solicitously.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.
It was my own fault.
I should have taken them off.

When I first learned that my teenage daughter went through the car wash with
her top down, I thought,
"Well, kids can be forgetful sometimes."
Then, I remembered she doesn't have a convertible.
Or a car, for that matter.

Pick-Up Line:
Call me Fred Flintstone, because I'll make your Bedrock.


Tony, the milkman, had a door to door delivery service.
A lady called down from her apartment,
"Hey, Tony, I need two bottles of milk."
"What apartment, lady?"
She said,
"4 Q."
Tony yelled back,
"4 Q too, lady!"