Fwd: The Irish Again.....
The Errand McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after
martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drink consumed, the
Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a c ustomer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had
done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin'" , said the Irishman, "me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
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The Lost Luggage
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal
with tears streaming down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
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The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the
brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them
said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are falling' victim to
temptation."
Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said,
"What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."
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Lost at Sea
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed
the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular
genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the
standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make
the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately
the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of
Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men c considered
their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick!
Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!
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The Fall
Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket
when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt
something
wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!"
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(And saving the best for last...)
You've Been Drinking Again
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally said that the bar was closing. So, the Irishman stood up to
leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl
outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once
outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. Again, he fell flat on
his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he
reached his bed he tried one more time to
stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he
quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his
head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
