XXX: ADULT PUNS

There once was a man from Boston.
The car he drove was an Austin.
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out so he lost 'em

My mom sent me a self-help book called 'How To Marry A Rich Man'.
My favourite chapter,
"Not Everyone Likes Anal Sex, But Then Again Not Everyone Gets To
Drive A Porshe'.

An older couple, Esther and Morris are playing in the Aleph Annual
Golf Club Championship.
They are playing in a playoff hole and the championship comes down to
a 6 inch putt which Esther has to make.
The woman is trembling as she takes her stance.
Then, she putts and misses.
They lose the match.
On the way home in the car, the husband, Morris is fuming,
"I cannot believe you missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my putz!"
The woman looks over at her husband, smiles and replies,
"Yes dear, but it was much, much harder!"

An Australian kiss is,
The same thing as a French kiss, only down under

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding
parents left us alone in the living room.
Naturally, we did not talk all the time.
In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown
watching us from the doorway.
"If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter,"
I said to her.
Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again.
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."

The worst thing about growing unemployment is,
It gets harder to screw your girlfriend with her husband home.

A young innocent girl is about to go on her first date and is given
some word of advise and warning by her mother:
"Look darling, they all want the same, so do be very careful and don't
you ever let him:
1. Kiss your lips. Your lips are as soft as rose petals and will shrivel,
2. Or touch your breast. They are like of thin crystal and can shatter,
And 3. Never ever to touch your "private" part. That one is like a
,GRILL' and will burn everything coming to touch it."
The girl is full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waitI and waits
until just after midnight when she's back.
"How was it?" asks mom. "Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I
think I'm in love!"
"Lets not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?"
"Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely careful
not to hurt or harm me!"
"What do you mean, did you let him do something?"
"Not exactly mom, see it was like that. First he wanted to kiss me and
I told him what you said, and he stopped.
Then, he went to touch my breast and again IItold him what you said,
and he stopped.
Then, he slowly went under my skirt close to the private part, and I
told him what you said, and he then took his hands out and said;
'What a coincidence, I happen to have a nice piece of 'fillet' and
would love to put it in your 'grill' to cook!"
"What," screams the mother, "I knew that bastard is no different to
the others. You hopefully stopped him there too, didn't you?"
"Well, not really mom. You see, he promised to be careful and was very
careful not to 'burn' his 'fillet'.
Every now and then he took it out and had me 'taste it' to see if it
was cooked or not."

She was only the gravedigger's daughter,
But
She liked lying under the sod.

A young uneducated man applied for a job in an office.
After the interview, he left and hooked up with his friends.
One asked,
"How'd it go?"
He answered,
"The first part was smooth. But when she asked to see my testimonials,
I showed them to her and she freaked. There went the job."