New Years Miscellaneous

New Years Eve
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it
was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing
next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Tattoo Parlor
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a
Christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her
left inner thigh.
The tattoo artist say that's an unusual request.
"Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between Christmas and new years."

New Years Eve Short Jokes
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!

Q: What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of
drinking in the New Year?
A: He gave up thinking.

Q: What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve?
A: The ice falls out of your drinks!


New Years Eve One Liners
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup
half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without
being mistaken for a stripper.

I'm getting drunk just thinking about tomorrow night.

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me
about my New Year's resolutions.

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants
and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

If 2013 was a person, I'd sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

This New Year's I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the
only thing I do in excess.

People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event. If your
life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow.

I'll remember 2013 like it was yesterday

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve. DIGNITY is
not one of them.

I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2014.

Just heard that in 2014 there will be a new device that can turn
thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.

My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions....That
way I succeed at something!

Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it.

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.