XXX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young sailor from Munich
Who carried a sword 'neath his tunic.
The Fandango he tried,
And he severed his pride;
Now the sailor from Munich's a eunich

Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw their
client's wife in bed with another man.
"Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go in after him."
"Great idea," the other replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"

Her son was the only male who came out of her vagina.

A bloke and his bird walking home from an Australian pub one night start
screwing up against a fence.
Suddenly, the fence gives way and they both fall into a garden.
The house owner comes out, looks at them and says,
"You gonna pay for that?"
Bloke says to his bird,
"What do you think, go halves on the cost?" "F*ck off," says his bird, "I
was pushing the other way!"

What do you call a 400 pound woman who likes sex with both men and women? A
bisexual built for two.

A famous violinist noticed after a spectacular performance that a rather
pretty woman was waiting for him at the stage door.
He strikes up a acquaintance with her and goes to her apartment, where they
make love five times.
The next morning he says to her,
"You were a pretty good lay, so I'm going to give you two orchestra tickets
for my program tonight.
"Fie," says she, "I'm famished and have not even any bread here at home. If
I do this with you, it's to be able to put bread on the table for my
children."
"Bread you want?" said the fiddler, "If it's bread you want, you should be
screwing the baker!"

What do you call a guy who is sexually attracted to tramps?
A hobosexual

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink.
Walking up behind her he says,
"Hi, there, good looking'! How's it going'?"
Having already downed a few power drinks she turned around, faced him,
looked him straight in the eye and said,
"Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door, back
door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of
college. I just f*uck'n love it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
"No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?

Confucius says,
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

One day Joe goes to the church and takes a seat in the confessional.
"Father," he says, "this week I have sinned forty three times."
"My son," the priest says, "this is a bad thing. Who did this happen with?"
"My wife, Jill," Joe answers.
"But that is not a sin," the priest says, "That is common behaviour in a
marriage."
"I know," Joe says with a smile, "I just wanted to tell someone."