XX ADULT PUNS!

There's a tavern in London that's staffed,
By a barmaid who's tops at her craft:
In her striving to please,
She serves ale on her knees,
So the patrons get head with their draft.

A guy got chatting to a girl in a club:
"Can I buy you a drink?", he asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have
girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago." he assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine
please."
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her
place and made passionate love.
While he was putting his clothes back on she said,
"So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on
earth did you split with your girlfriend?"
He said,
"My wife found out"

What do rednecks do for Halloween?
Pump kin.

During a lull in the rehearsal the groom and best man, two long time friends
and playboys, began to compare conquests. The groom, looking out over the
crowd, said to his best man,
"You know Bill, except for my wife to be, my two sisters and my mother, I've
made love to every woman in this room."
To which his friend responded,
"Well then, between the two of us we've had them all!"

Does the career advice,
"Come early on your first day" apply in the porn business?

A guy stops by to visit his friend.
They talk for a while and then the friend asks,
"My feet are cold. Would you be so kind as to go upstairs and get me my
sneakers please?"
The guest obliges and goes upstairs.
There he sees his friend's daughters, both very good looking.
Being the adventurous and quick thinking kind, he says,
"Hi, ladies! Your daddy sent me here to have sex with you!"
They stare at him and say,
"That can't be!"
He replies,
"OK, let's check!"
He shouts at his friend down the stairs,
"Both of them?"
The father shouts back,
"Yes, both of them!"

Bumper Sticker:
To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

A woman phones her blonde neighbour and says,
"Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are naked. The whole
street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde replies,
"Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

The judge turns to the woman and says:
"I see you're divorcing your husband one the grounds he's an uncouth slob.
Can you give me an example of this?"
"Yes, your honour", replies the wife. "Whenever we go out, he always drinks
tea with his pinkie sticking out"
"There's nothing wrong with that madam, In fact, it's considered go do
manners in some circles to drink tea with the little finger sticking out,"
says the judge.
"But your honour" replies the woman " I wasn't talking about his finger."

Dance:
A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen.