XX ADULT PUNS!

There once was a couple named Kelly
Who walked around belly-to-belly.
It seems in their haste,
They used Carter's paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

They call a sister a nun
Because
She ain't never had nun,
Doesn't never want nun,
And
Ain't never going to get nun.

A woman was complaining to the neighbours that her husband always came home
late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband
came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out, 'Is
that you, Jim?' and that cured him."
"Cured him," asked the woman. "But how?"
The neighbour said,
"You see, his name is Bill."

The teacher asked Johnny to make a sentence using the math terms add,
subtract, divide, and multiply.
He said,
"To have sex, you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and
hope you don't multiply.

The petite young blonde was being interviewed for a rather high-level
executive position in the advertising agency.
Finally, the interviewer concluded with,
"I like your style, Miss Benson. I think you'll do just fine. All we ask is
that you put out."
"Errr, uhh, err, sir." she said, somewhat taken aback. "Are you referring to
work or sex?"
"Well, little lady," he replied, "around here, if you don't do one, you had
better be doing the other."


Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the
girl to quit smoking.
One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said,
"You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said,
"I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."
He replied,
"But they'll stunt your growth."
She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said,
"So, what's your excuse then?"