XX - ADULT PUNS!

There was a young plumber of Leigh,
Was plumbing a maid by the sea.
Said the maid, "Cease your plumbing,
I think someone's coming."
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said,
"You're pulling my leg."

A young woman walked in to a drug store and, after walking around for
ten minutes or so looking for cotton balls, gave up.
She goes to the window and asks the pharmacist,
"Do you have cotton balls?"
The pharmacist paused for a second, looked at the cute fox and said,
"Lady, do I look like a stuffed teddy bear?"

An army nurse went to bed eating popcorn
And
Woke up with a kernel between her legs.

This guy is really into blow up dolls and rings his mail order
supplier and says he wants something absolutely realistic.
The supplier says,
"I have just the thing, 'Life-like Tina', So realistic you can't tell
the difference!"
The guy orders one.
Meanwhile the supplier is looking at the box and cannot believe how
realistic 'Life-like Tina' looks.
So, he decides to blow it up.
Once inflated he gets really turned on and thinks,
"What the hell!" and has sex with the doll.
Washing it afterwards, he neatly packages it and sends it out to the guy.
A month later the guy calls up,
"You know that 'Life-like Tina' blow up doll you sent me? I cannot
tell you how happy I am."
"That's great!"
"Yeah, it's a totally believable experience."
"Realistic then?"
"So realistic, I got syphilis."

Trust:
Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.

Having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and
evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your
money.

Why doesn't Santa have any children?
Because he only comes once a year,
And
When he does, it's down the chimney.

A guy walked into the doctor's office for an appointment.
"Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist
asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor."
"It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very
large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy
today," the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."

Bungee jumping and hookers have one thing  in common
Both cost a hundred bucks
And
If the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

A furrier from the United States went to Helsinki, Finland to purchase furs.
The first night in Helsinki he met a gorgeous blonde named Sanna, and
before long the two were alone in his hotel room.
The encounter turned physical and soon their lovemaking session was complete.
After they were finished, then the man attempted to chat with Sanna --
but it wasn't going well.
He said,
"I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good."
Sanna replied,
"Your foreplay ain't all that hot either!"

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his
girlfriend and her twin.
I said
"How can you tell them apart?"
He said
"Her brother's got a mustache."