XX - ADULT PUNS!

Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each with a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents;
Do you think they went for water?

A nurse is a pan handler.

Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady
approaches him and says,
"What's wrong, honey?"
The little boy replies between sobs,
"My Grandma passed away this morning."
"I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me
to call Father O'Riley?"
"No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind."

Sales for Viagra are way down.
I guess all those old guys finally figured out that sex with an old
woman is not worth $20.

Jack left for a two day business trip to Chicago.
He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd
left his plane ticket on top of his dresser.
He turned around and headed back to the house.
He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen.
He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.
She looked so good that he quietly tiptoed up behind her, reached out,
and squeezed her left tit.
"Just leave one quart of milk," she said. "Jack won't be here for
breakfast tomorrow."

Men are like Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.

An astronaut discovered life on the dark side of the moon.
When he got out of the module, he saw a light in a cave not too far away.
He went to investigate and discovered the cave was an entrance to an
underground city populated with people appearing identical to earth
people except for the women's breasts on their backs instead of their
chests.
When the inhabitants saw him they threw a party to welcome him to the moon.
At a press conference on returning to earth, a reporter asked if he
thought that the women looked strange. He said,
"Yes, but they sure are nice to dance with."

A woman sought help from her doctor.
"All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with
him," she said. "And he's right too. I have no desire at all."
The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit
in two weeks.
After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.
"Those pills were great Doctor, I'm doing it twice a night now,
sometimes even three times."
"That's wonderful," said the doctor, "What does you husband say now?"
"I don't know, Doctor," she replied. "He has been away on a business
trip for the past two weeks.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Blondes don't screw in light bulbs.
They screw in Jacuzzis

Have you heard about that blind hooker?
You've gotta hand it to her!