XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young lady named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So they tried it all night
'Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.

Anyone remember that fairytale about the uncircumcised troll?
I think it was called Rumpled Foreskin.

After a tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he
beckoned the waitress back and said,
"Miss, would y'all give me a piece of ass?"
"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.
Then she smiled and added,
"Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!"
When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the
same table and the waitress asked,
"Will there be anything else?"
"Yes," replied the tourist. "Where ah come from in Alabama, we lack
our bourbon 'n watuh cold, so ah still need a piece uh ass for mah
drink."

Confucius Says:
Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off.

"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Not something to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many
people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a
dog that we are very attached to."
"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel, ummm...,
PHYSICALLY attracted to my horse!"
"Hmmm." Then the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?"
"Female, of course!" the man snapped. "What do you think I am, GAY?"

What is the difference between a pigmy village and a women's track team?
A pigmy village is a cunning bunch of runts.

A young couple approached the desk in a big hotel.
"We've just been married," the young couple explained, "but we forgot
to make reservations. Could you give us a suite for the night?"
"Certainly," replied the clerk. "Would you like the bridal?"
"Oh, no thanks," said the young man. "Now that we're married, we're
going to stop horsing around!"

TAXIDERMIST -
A man who mounts animals.

It was painfully evident to the indignant father that all was not well
with his attractive daughter.
To his pointed questions, she tearfully admitted that motherhood was
approaching and that the rich young lay about who lived on the next
block was responsible.
With fire in his eyes, the father charged down the street and rang the
bachelor's bell.
The young man answered the door, still in his dressing gown and
holding what appeared to be a mai tai.
He readily admitted his guilt.
"Just what do you intend doing about it?" demanded the parent.
The bachelor thought for a moment.
"Well," he said, "if it's a girl, I'll give your daughter fifty
thousand dollars. And if it's a boy, I'll give her a hundred
thousand."
"See here," said the father. "If it's a miscarriage, will you give her
another chance?"

The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup.
It makes men cocky and women lay better.

Following the birth of my second child, I called our insurance company
to inquire about my short-term disability policy.
"I just had a baby," I proudly announced to the representative who
picked up the phone.
"Congratulations! I'll get all of your information and activate your
policy," she assured me.
After taking down basic information, like my name and address, she asked me,
"Was this a work-related incident?"

You know you're leading a sad life when a nymphomaniac tells you,
"Let's just be friends."