THE CAVE (DO NOT DISTRIBUTE OUTSIDE THE ORGANISATION)

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but weve really
come together as a group and I love that. However, while we continue
to fight a Jihad in this New Year, we cant forget to take care of the
cave, and frankly I have a few concerns.

First. While its good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should
be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid
excessive dust inhalation, a health and safety issue so we need to
sweep the cave daily. Ive done my bit on the cleaning rota have you?
Ive posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area next to the
halal toaster.

Second. Its not often I make a video address but when I do, Im trying
to scare the s**t out of most of the worlds population, okay? That
means that while we are taping, please do not ride your scooter in the
background or keep doing the Wassup thing. Thanks.

Third. Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote Ossy
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea
slices were gone. Consideration. Thats all Im saying.

Fourth. Im not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidels bat and ball games. Please do not chant
Ossy, Ossy, Ossy, Oy, Oy, Oy when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Five. Graffiti. Whoever wrote OSAMA F***S DONKEYS on the group toilet
wall. Its a lie, the donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving
myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six. The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam , the old excuse
that the chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the
edge of the mountain will not be accepted in future, with donkeys,
there is a grey area.

Finally. Weve heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

Group Hug. Os.

PS Im sick of having Osama Bed Linen scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut
it out, its not funny anymore.